


The Taricha Incident

by Pennfana



Category: Big Bang Theory, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crossover, Drabble, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-13 20:06:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pennfana/pseuds/Pennfana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story probably wouldn't have happened if not for a friend's slight misunderstanding of what was meant by the name of the "Lucius Big Bang."  (If you're reading this...you know who you are.  Thanks for the inspiration, as accidental it was, and I hope that you don't mind that I made use of it; the idea was just too amusing to <i>not</i> try to write.)</p>
<p><i>"Taricha torosa"</i> is the Latin name for the California newt.</p>
<p>For anyone who reads this who doesn't know "The Big Bang Theory" well: Barry Kripke and Leslie Winkle are co-workers of Sheldon's.  Neither of them has a particularly high opinion of his intelligence, and both at various times have been something like a nemesis to him.  The "man-eating chicken" is a reference to an incident in which Sheldon was reportedly treed by an an angry chicken.  The incident is only recounted, not seen, on screen.</p></blockquote>





	The Taricha Incident

A tall man with long blond hair stood in the apartment building's lobby, looking very perplexed indeed. As a rule, Sheldon wasn't used to reading other people's facial expressions, but thanks to several years spent in Penny's company, he had no trouble whatsoever with recognizing _this_ one.

"It's out of order," he said helpfully.

"I beg your pardon?" The man's accent was English. Probably from somewhere in Wiltshire, if Sheldon was any judge.

"The elevator," he said, "or, the _lift,_ as you no doubt would call it, is out of order, which means it's broken."

"I know what 'out of order' means," was the man's irritable reply.

"Well, then, what's your problem?" Sheldon asked, more out of exasperation than curiosity.

"I don't have a _problem,"_ the man sneered. "I'm merely experiencing a temporary location-related inconvenience."

"Oh, you're _lost!"_ Sheldon exclaimed. "Well, this is your lucky day, then. If anyone can help you to find your way again, it's me. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. You might have heard of me; I've done a fair amount of influential research in the field of String Theory."

"Lucius Malfoy," the man said, apparently taken aback. "And I've never heard of String Theory."

"Oh, well, now, that's a shame. I thought you looked like a man of intelligence and education. Anyway, from the way you're dressed, it looks like you may be looking for the Renaissance fair. Sorry to say, you've missed it, because they closed up a week ago. But really, you haven't missed much, because it really wasn't much of a Renaissance fair. People are so careless about historical anachronisms these days. Really, I wonder why they even bother to put the things on."

"What do you _mean,_ I must be looking for the Renaissance fair?" Lucius' nostrils flared slightly.

Sheldon sighed in exasperation. "Oh, good _Lord!_ A Renaissance fair is an event that's open to the public in which a certain historical period is emulated—typically the English Renaissance, which gives these things their names. Unfortunately, they've turned into a medieval free-for-all in which people don garb from places that are _not_ England and from time periods that are largely _before_ the English Renaissance. Although you might be forgiven your ignorance of String Theory, I'm surprised you haven't heard of Renaissance fairs before. Though perhaps I shouldn't be, because they're primarily an American phenomenon."

At this point, Lucius was really starting to get irritated. First, his Portkey had malfunctioned and sent him to this strange Muggle building in who knew _what_ godforsaken corner of a foreign country, and _then_ he'd been repeatedly insulted and talked down to by this ridiculous Muggle, who had entirely too much to say about everything. "Shut _up,_ you stupid Muggle, or you'll regret it!" With a menacing look on his face, he drew his wand.

"You're threatening me with a stick?" Sheldon asked incredulously. "I appreciate the effort, but really, this is _not_ frightening to a man who's faced down Barry Kripke, Leslie Winkle, and man-eating chickens."

"Whomever this 'Man-Eating-Chickens' was, I assure you, he is harmless in comparison with me," Lucius sneered.

"Oh, _please._ What are you going to do with that tiny little thing? Throw it at me? _Honestly,_ the things people do when I'm just trying to be helpful! I don't know why I bother," Sheldon sniffed and walked away.

"I'll turn you into a newt for that, Muggle!" Lucius growled. _"Taricha!"_ A blast of purple light burst forth from his wand and hit Sheldon right in the head.

Stunned, Sheldon looked down. Had his hands turned into little brownish feet? Was that a tail he felt growing out of his coccyx? _And where were his ears?_ "Oh, no! HELP! HELP! HE'S TURNED ME INTO A NEWT!" Panicking, he scurried up the stairs on all fours.

"How very satisfying. That almost made this whole fiasco worth it," Lucius smirked. He touched his return Portkey—"I _must_ give Yaxley a firm talking-to about making certain that the damn coordinates on these things are correct," he muttered—and was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> This story probably wouldn't have happened if not for a friend's slight misunderstanding of what was meant by the name of the "Lucius Big Bang." (If you're reading this...you know who you are. Thanks for the inspiration, as accidental it was, and I hope that you don't mind that I made use of it; the idea was just too amusing to _not_ try to write.)
> 
> _"Taricha torosa"_ is the Latin name for the California newt.
> 
> For anyone who reads this who doesn't know "The Big Bang Theory" well: Barry Kripke and Leslie Winkle are co-workers of Sheldon's. Neither of them has a particularly high opinion of his intelligence, and both at various times have been something like a nemesis to him. The "man-eating chicken" is a reference to an incident in which Sheldon was reportedly treed by an an angry chicken. The incident is only recounted, not seen, on screen.


End file.
